Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
