You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
