Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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