Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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