she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
