fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
