i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
