forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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