I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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