oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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