Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
