end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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