awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
