Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
