..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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