I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
