my sisters under your porch take her home
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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