I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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