So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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