you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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