If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I look better un-naked...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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