I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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