this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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