Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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