I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
