Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
