Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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