I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
