i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize