So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
