Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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