my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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