Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
