Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
did you just send me my own nude
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
