I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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