I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
