im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
