I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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