Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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