We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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