Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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