Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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