I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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