ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
handjob tips. give me some.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
