saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
