Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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