He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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