i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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