i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
