I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
