I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
