seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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