I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
