Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
