So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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