You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
