I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
