I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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