I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
