did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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