I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
