i don't like sucking hair
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
