I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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