you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
