Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I won't apologize to a one balled man
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
