I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
