ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
