I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
