I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
