"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
