oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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