does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
