He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My vagina is officially offended.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
