How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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