The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
