Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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