if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
