If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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