I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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