So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
