He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
