there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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